Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Holy Crap
Look, ma!

Marc Hogan in New York Times

Garage Rock Meets Garage Critics

...Pitchfork steps up to the plate with a rigorous rating system, serious (if idiosyncratic) critical standards and a roster of 40 or so talented young writers.

In a current review of "Love Kraft," by the Super Furry Animals, the writer, Marc Hogan, gives the record an 8.5 - so precise, those rockists - and in his rave goes over the top and stays there to very nice effect.

"Whatever its etymology, Love Kraft is a utopian epic, a sweeping musical argument for love in the time of Fallujah," he writes. "In that sense, it's vintage S.F.A., with even its departures underscoring the band's long-established strengths. The leftist politics are less overt, but just as potent; the compositions more focused, but still mad as a Lewis Carroll hatter; the pop more rockin', yet probably more accessible to noobs."

Whatever noobs are. Maybe a smaller, cuddlier version of newbies?

But then, that is part of the point. The Web is a place where tribe is built and serviced by likeminded folks who thrive on the insiderness of it all. There is a common language, common values and a belief that whatever obsession is being serviced, it is the right one to have.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Illinois-based editors of Whopundit have come into possession of a rough draft of Senator Durbin's recently read apology. Okay, we didn't come into possession of it. We found it in the garbage outside the Senator's Chicago offices while were looking for old banana peels that we could freeze-dry and smoke. A 6th-grader told us it can get you really high. Does anyone know if that's true?

Oh, anyway, here's the document:

Dick Durbin's Apology: Rough Draft #1

"Dear Members of Congress and my fellow Americans:

"The other day I said that the treatment of some prisoners at Guantamo Bay was bad. And then I read from an FBI report in which an agent recounted what he or she saw there. And then I said you would never think that this was something that Americans could do to prisoners. I also said that this sounded like the treatment that terrible regimes did to their prisoners, not something that an American could do. Do you follow me so far? (Or do you think otherwise? Are you not shocked by what I read?) I also said, regrettably, that this sounded like the sort of treatment of prisoners you would expect of some terrible regime like the Soviets, Pol Pot, or, again, regrettably, Nazis.

"So, now I've come to my apology.

"I'm sorry that all those people who got upset are so upset. To each of you upset, I say now: I'm sorry that the American educational system has so completely failed you in your ability to understand a nuanced point, much less be able to spell or define the word nuance. I'm also sorry for your inability to comprehend why whoever okayed this prisoner treatment made terrible decisions to allow America to squander the moral ideals we, supposedly, hold. That would be from the Civics classes you slept through, Chucklehead.

"In the future, starting right now, I promise to work my hardest to figure cut a way to pull America out of this morass of utter stupidity. I'll work harder to increase the reasoning ability of Americans, because a house with this kind of mental deficiency cannot stand.

"Okay, now was that too fast for you nincompoops? Do you need me to say it again slower?"

-- Fritz

Saturday, May 07, 2005

See This Movie
Funny Ha Ha

marnie: i don't -- i don't know -- it's hard -- i don't know what i would say. it's hard to know.

mitchell: well, if it's not hypothetical then? marnie, i --

marnie: ok, ok, no no no, i mean, you're, i, i'm not, uh, i think, i mean i'm having a great time tonight and i hope we can do this again, but i think, not because of you but for reasons pertaining to, uh, me, think it's not a good idea for me to --

mitchell: ok.

marnie: ...see you romantically at this juncture.

mitchell: no no no, heh, that's fine.

marnie: i'm sorry.

mitchell: no, jeez, don't apologize, because i think you actually handled that very well and i apologize for putting you in a -- an awkward, uh, position, heh, again. you know it's --

marnie: no no no.

mitchell: ...promise it's the last time i'll ask.

website here

- m

Friday, February 25, 2005

The Question Must Be Asked

An interesting win-win proposal was raised in this week's Jonathan Alter Newsweek column about Miller and Cooper's travails with Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald and the who-finked-Valerie-Plame-and-Joe-Wilson question.

"[Novak] has told CNN that he will walk off the set if he is asked about it."

Now I can't think of one decent reason for a guest not to ask this doddering a-hole this question. You might not get asked back, but aren't they going to cancel this cesspool of a show anyway? Maybe if you ask it really rudely and point your finger (it is Crossfire, after all, and no one will think you especially rude), he might just retire!

Can Sex Ever Be A Part of a Legitimate Story

I've been reading a little more on Gannon/Guckert. Apparently the CW in more legit circles confirms that, in fact, this is no biggie and anyone who thinks about it is probably looking at thinly veiled homophobia.

Maybe I'm weird here, but I still think there's a big difference between men having sex with men, and men having sex with men for money. Isn't Gannon/Guckert's preferential treatment--e.g. his perpetual day pass plan--and his past/present/future as a prostitute at least a little bit interesting? Aren't you curious as to how he came to be involved in GOPUSA/Talon and got such a sweet gig just like that? What if it was as a result of some form of blackmail? What if Gannon/Guckert were more inclined to favor Islamofascism than just good ol' Texas-style fascism? Man, that would have sucked that he has that mid-to-high level White House "connection," eh?

Can sex never be cause for interest in a story without being salacious? What if sex is the motivator of the actors involved in the story, and drives a story about something, but is not a mere distraction? What if George Bush has an affair with another world leader's wife, or another world leader (hey, it worked for Caesar)? And what if this launches us toward a military engagement? Or toward peace? Wouldn't that be interesting?

Here in Chicago, a plugged-in developer got a sweetheart deal in which he pays exactly no taxes or utilities on his rental of a facility based in the city's spanking new Millennium Park (which debuted in 2004). Oh, and he also impregnated one of the officials who approved this sweetheart deal. Isn't that interesting? Wouldn't you like to know how this plugged-in developer came to plug into this official? What if I told you that this developer was a prostitute with no discernable developing experience (which he's not, as far as I know)? Wouldn't that make you, oh, I don't know, even MORE interested in this story even though there's nothing gay about it?

Maybe this isn't a big deal in Washington because everyone there, on both sides of the aisle, 1) is already married to each other, 2) has affairs with everyone else, and 3) hires prostitutes like it's going of style. A former(?) prostitute, now affiliated with a highly partisan faux-news website, and with no discernible writing experience (much less journalistic) gets to sit in the press room everyday and ask highly partisan questions every once in a while. How'd he come to get this sweetheart gig? Beats me.

Golly, now that's a snoozer.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Cryin' 'Boo!'

Finally (finally!) conservatives favoritest, hungriest, blondest fascist writer in all the world has something to say about conservatives favoritest, baldest, male prostitute who ever asked the president or one of his employees a blowjob question in a press conference.

Sayeth Ann Coulter:
The heretofore-unknown Jeff Gannon of the heretofore-unknown "Talon News" service was caught red-handed asking friendly questions at a White House press briefing. Now the media is hot on the trail of a gay escort service that Gannon may have run some years ago. Are we supposed to like gay people now, or hate them? Is there a Web site where I can go to and find out how the Democrats want me to feel about gay people on a moment-to-moment basis?

Liberals keep rolling out a scrolling series of attacks on Gannon for their Two Minutes Hate, but all their other charges against him fall apart after three seconds of scrutiny. Gannon's only offense is that he may be gay.

Just goes to show you the crocodile tears these fools are spitting, trying to come up with any way to throw off the scent of this classically juicy Washington scandal (with all elements: power, sex, secrets, denials). Last time I checked, prostitution was still illegal in most of America, regardless of what the orientation of the sex you are having. Or maybe Ann doesn't think that it's such a big deal to prostitute one's self out, provided the payment is in cash.

Ann, we've already established what you are. Now we're just haggling about the price.

I actually wouldn't be surprised if Jeff Gannon isn't even gay, and frankly couldn't give two shits. Plenty of straight men have worked as male escorts and have had sex with men for money. The story isn't really even about Jeff Gannon--he's merely the public face of an unanswered question. Who's Jeff's benefactor inside the White House?

Here's a scenario--not outlandish--that could easily explain how Jeff Gannon got those perpetual daily passes: Jeff is hired by WH Staffer X for some conjugal comfort on a cold Washington evening; Jeff, the classic prostitute-with-a-heart of gold has always wanted to be a journalist; depending on their relationship, Jeff blackmails/uses his newfound connections with WH Staffer X to score a gig with GOPUSA outta Texas, using the perpetual day pass system. Networking.

Now this, even, wouldn't be all that big of a deal if the use of the perpetual day pass system was something that other legit journalists were entitled to. But by all accounts, getting a perpetual day pass (for non-prostitute journalists, this usually comes in the form of "permanent press credentials") is quite hard. Plenty of real, live journalists have been denied this access.

Doesn't it seem like a reasonable question to ask who's pulling the strings for a prositute to enable him to sit in the White House press room, ask questions of the president, allegely receive access to feloniously distributed information about CIA operatives, scoop major news organizations on declarations of war, and lord knows what else? Sure seems like it to me. Guess that means I must hate gay people. Damn.


Monday, February 14, 2005

No THAT'S Interesting

This is a serious wow! I mean, I know that no one ever got poor playing to the stupidity of the American public, and all, but what about the American press. Should they really be so stupid?

Should someone have, y'know, noticed that two photographs of nuclear facilities in two countries thousands of miles apart are, in fact, of the same thing before publishing it? Or, perhaps, this is just proof that there is a nefarious Kim-Ayatollah architect link not unlike the nefarious Osama-Saddam sous chef link. To war! I wonder if that's the same photo of the Iraqi "nuclear facility" too.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Folks, please note that this is not satire. This is a real answer to what I believe is an America needs, and it's damned simple to explain. I propose capital punishment for the most heinous white collar crimes.

Now, I'd probably be more supportive of my own proposal if I thought capital punishment were ever really a good idea, or if it really did act as a deterrent to people contemplating committing crime, or if I could be assured that, y'know, it was being implemented fairly, and that no innocent people were in danger of murder by chimpanzee governors and their troglodytic counsel.

If all this were possible to ignore, or if you believe that executing criminals does truly scare people from committing crimes, or if you simply don't care one way or the other and want revenge, then what could be bad or harmful about executing executives who steal fortunes, manipulate markets, bilk stockholders, shuffle debts and profits, illegally ship jobs overseas, accept bribes, and the like?

I'm not talking about Martha Stewart-sized crimes of tens of thousands of dollars. That's petty theft, frankly, and she seems to have gotten the business end of a relatively easy case to prosecute against a big old celebrity name, and insider trading isn't what I'm after anyway.

No, what I'm talking about are the shysters like WorldCom's Ebbers and Tyco' Kozlowski and Skilling and Kenny Boy over at Enron. Ebbers was intimately involved in a fraud of $11 billion. Enron's flimflammery resulted in thousands of employees being conned out of their retirements, and power customers in California no doubt died due to a falsified power outage (This is not hard to believe, as people die due to power outages all the time from lost A/C, traffic accidents, etc.). These are real lives lost due to corporate actions, undertaken in the most extreme of bad faith. Can you name one reason why these folks who engineered these bad faith policies, upon being convicted of crimes, deserve anything besides the Christian wrath of a governor or, if it's the Feds, the president himself? Using the arguments of the pro-death penalty crowd (this is payback for harming people, and, besides, it will act to deter followers from purusing the same bad actions), quite simply, I can see none.


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