Friday, August 27, 2004

 
In a Lighter Note...

An unarmed bandit, who goes the name Dick Cheney, is literally robbing local farmers of their produce! He offers $10 bills in exchange for more than $10 in goods in a microcosmic display of what, exactly, those tax cuts were all about.

In a lighter moment, the Cheney tour stopped at a farm stand owned by Ray Levan, 65, in the small town of Catawissa. Cheney and his wife went to buy fruit and vegetables, while daughters Mary and Elizabeth went with the Cheney grandchildren to watch cows being fed.

The Cheneys purchased nine apples, five large tomatoes, three green peppers and a dozen ears of corn. Cheney pulled a $10 bill from his pocket and gave it to Levan. Asked by a reporter whether the $10 covered the cost of the produce, Levan indicated that it did not. But he said it was an "honor" to sell the fruits and vegetables to the vice president, even if at a discount.


"We won the midterms. This is our due."

--Fritz
 
Itchin' For a Fight

If you had nothing -- and I mean nothing -- in the way of a record in the past four years as president that you could really hang your hat on; if your biggest accomplishment was called into serious question by the fact that you deliberately doctored the facts or, at best, were hoodwinked by a carnival barker in bank fraud's clothing; if your second biggest accomplishment was having installed a Little League diamond on the White House lawn; if you had been on watch with your thumb up your ass as more and more of your fellow Americans felt the squeeze of our national health care crisis, wouldn't you want to change the subject, too?

Maybe, just maybe, and I know this is a bit of a stretch, but maybe George and Karl messed this country up so bad because they enjoy a good fight. They lollygagged for four years to incite a real challenge from the Dems, because, shit, it wouldn't be any fun to just run up the score on 'em, right? Then, when the story is just how bad you messed things up, it's time to play politics with irrelevant shit. How do you know it'll work? Because when one guy is talking about policy, and there's a really sexy story about faked Navy records and lying veterans, the press can't control themselves and start buzzing around that steaming pile of crap as if they've never seen a steaming pile of crap before.

--Fritz

Thursday, August 26, 2004

 
The Mother of All Uphill Climbs

I was out of town over the weekened, and missed this poll in Sunday's Tribune. The big news, of course, is just how bad Alan "Baltimore Batshit" Keyes is doing in the polls, down 65-24. That's right, Obama is nearly TRIPLING his lead.

The really delicious parts, however, are how Keyes is doing with the more moderate voters in Illinois. "Fairly conservative" Illinoisians favor Obama 49-40; "moderate" voters favore Obama 76-10!

A quick reminder on the numbers: There are 68 days until Nov. 2; there were 7.1 million registered voters in Illinois in 2000. A quick crunch shows that, for Alan Keyes to reach 50% in the polls, he must convince 27,147 people PER DAY to vote for him. Onward Christian solider!

--Fritz

Monday, August 23, 2004

 
Quick With a Quip:
Is Bush funny? TNR says no

Whopundit has long maintained that Bush is not the comedian we've been led to believe. Now The New Republic's Tom Frank agrees, in more detail.

- Marc
 
     

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